Transsexuality – My development to realization!

From December 2015 I secretly started to live as a transsexual woman, from March 2016 partly public as a transsexual woman and from May 2017 I realized that I want to live as a transsexual woman and have me on October 28, 2017 on Facebook as a transsexual woman outed. Now, on this subpage, I will write a lot about the subject of transsexuality – gender identity. This page is about how my transsexual (even indirect) development started from 14 (2004) and what triggered my realization – being a transsexual woman.

My development as a man to woman, from 14 until today with 27

14 – from August 2004: Unknowingly buy a short women’s jeans and become my favorite jeans. In general, I later realized that I like body-weighted and washed-out women’s jeans. Also afraid what others say in school, I did not wear these jeans at school any more. This thinking has haunted me until December 2015 until I questioned everything through depression.

14 – from summer 2004: An educator buys me valuable sneaker socks. These were my favorite socks and since then I only put on sneaker socks, all other shapes I personally find extremely ugly.

14 – from the summer of 2004: From another teacher I get used ladies jeans with blow from the brand Levi. In my spare time, I often wear these jeans. These are my favorite jeans from now on and I put these on very often. Fearing what others say, I never put on these jeans at school.

14 – Summer 2004: I have always hated it when my hair was cut with a millimeter short cut machine. Also, I never wanted to have short hair. I’ve always been different than the other guys. Today I know, because I was behind it, that I probably wanted long hair.

14 – Summer 2004 to Summer 2005: The first year in the group was very pleasant, so I was able to develop myself.

15 to 19 – 2005 to 2009: A very difficult time for me in the residential group. My home was not really a home during that time. I was barely able to develop myself there and had no nerve for that, I just had other worries. Without the group home, I would probably have experienced the transsexual phase as a teenager, as many others did.

19 to 25 – 2009 to 2015: The first years after the residential group are still very busy with the topic of housing groups. I also have a housing group trauma that I did not have until I was 25, so in 2015. In addition, I have because of my first apartment and my entry into professional life hardly time and nerves to develop privately. Only professionally, I have developed greatly in this time. Also, until 2013 membership in a Christian free church has limited my thinking and acting very negatively. Which is why I only do a lot of secret in the next few years because I always thought you should not do that.

2o – from summer 2010: I buy the first time a few pumps and a few tops. I put these things in secret 3 to 4 times a year in my hometown in the evening and at night.

20 to 21 – 2010 to 2011: I have medium-long red hair for almost a year. Because I dyed the hair myself for cost reasons, the result did not look so great and for this reason I had the hair cut shorter so that the hairdresser could get the hair back nicely.

22 – from summer 2012: Buy me more pumps and tops. Now I have also bought the first time bras and women’s underwear. Now I do not just put these things on secretly in Kirchberg, but also in my apartment.

23 – September 2013: Lose my first apartment. I’m homeless for 2 months. Lose my company, was the 2nd company in my life.

23 to 25 – November 2013 to December 2015: I prepare my start-up of Nextbookup. In April 2014, I founded my first corporation. Unfortunately, I realize that I founded the publisher too soon. The business plan will be completed at the end of 2014. The website will only be completed in spring 2015 and the operational business has started in August 2015. I have a lot of stress and work. I have to learn a lot on a hard way. I do not have time to think about myself.

25 to 26 – December 2015 to today: The big bang with me. My first depression due to overwork because of my work and simply broken inside, because I never thought of myself personally. I just worked too much. Only the opinions of others considered. Have had almost no free time and never really noticed myself. I start to think about myself.

Birth and growth region not home. Many stay where they were born and raised. They do not think that they are open for a new home. A new home where you feel comfortable – for me it’s the Alps, the natural landscape and society – and socially fitting. The latter is important, for example, if you want to integrate into local society. And not as before, only see politics and volunteer work as a substitute for something like that.

25 – December 2015: I start living my feminine side in foreign cities. Since then, I only buy women’s clothing and women’s shoes. Since then I had not been in a men’s department.

25 – December 2015: 1. Considering if I am a transsexual woman. Result = No, maybe Androgynous (male and feminine).

25 – March 2016: Now make regular outfits. I like to use a second Facebook account later to find like-minded people. Publish first feminine pictures also in a large Internet community (KK).

25 – March 2016: Let my hair grow now. Target medium-long or long hair.

25 – March 2016 Salamitaktik: Gradually feminine. Do I want to live as a transsexual woman? No idea, so just go there step by step and see if you want that and feel comfortable with it.

25 – March 2016: Add only body-contoured women’s jeans, women’s sweaters (75% wool sweater), women’s shirts, women’s jackets (75%) and women’s sneakers, even publicly in my hometown Kirchberg. Will become my standard clothing.

26 – September 2016: Make more feminine outfit pictures online now on dating sites and always load the new pictures immediately on the dating sites.

26 – October 2016: 2nd consideration if I am a transsexual woman. Result = Janein – maybe transsexual.

26 – December 2016: Now regularly put the feminine outfits on Instagram.

26 – December 2016: First use high heels (winter boots) in my rural area.

26 to 27 – December 2016 to November 2017: The restructuring of my book publishing house Nextbookup. The lessons of the Depression, revisions of the business model and a new publishing platform is coming. During this time, I am already busy alone, which slows down other projects.

26 – January / February 2017: 2. Facebook account will be blocked. Lose all transgender contacts, start tidying up the first FB account and erase unwanted old contacts, so that one day I can live a normal feminine life without fear of having unwelcome comments on Facebook. Also because of the depression, I block people until I feel better and then I can live my life during this time. Because I am suffering that I can not live my feminine side and because of my depression are afraid of other problems. Therefore, I temporarily block certain people, so that I can live my life back to normal and tackle my problems.

26 – April 2017: relapse due to driving school, fear of reaction of young people. Delete almost all recent Instagram images that have something to do with skirts. And the old depression reappears. This time I recognize violent mood swings.

26 – May 2017: In a single-app I am changed as a woman unintentionally, now get positive answers and I like that very much as a woman to be considered. More courage and thus progress in feminization. Attract first ballerina in my homeland, beginning secret, later public. Wear almost always nail polish again. Again, new and regular outfits on Instagram.

26 – June 2017: My first lady hairstyle at the hairdresser. I am very happy … Become confused now and then as a woman, find that even good.

26 – June 2017: A young woman (31) gives me the rest of courage to talk and spend time. Now attract ballerinas without thinking. Now wedge pumps, tops, and jeans shorts I attract in everyday life. Love the feeling of being a woman. Maybe I want to be a woman inside?

26 – June 2017: 3rd Consideration I am a transsexual woman = yes – transsexual. Easier to live as a woman’s wife when a man lives a woman. Hate my male features, which are getting worse and worse. Because of my male sexual urges I do not want an unhappy life. Woman live, Hamma.

26 – July 2017: Pull and move (I’ve been doing that for some time, others say) now like a woman. I live in a wrong body, you are a woman. So get dressed as you want. Since then I also wear longshorts and nylons. Pay attention to the correct posture when walking and sitting, so that you will be accepted as a woman and pay more attention to my appearance.

26 – July 2017: My name Emiy-Rose Frank is used on Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter and Google+.

26 – July 2017: Preparing for the public outing (until August) that I hate my male features and since the end of 2015 I have discovered my feminine inner and can not imagine another life as a woman. In addition I want to write in close friends and acquaintances in advance and ask for help or assistance.

26 – July 2o17: Now looking for a psychologist from the Rhine-Main area and wants to agree in July, a fixed date to all my actions to accompany professional and also clarify questions that I do not see myself.

26 – July 2017: I have now informed about my TS-way, now know that I need 2 to 3 years and between 6,000 to 30,000 euros when breast and facial surgery is made, rather 30,000 euros.

26 – July 2o17: Now looking for a psychologist from the Rhine-Main area and wants to agree in July, a fixed date to all my actions to accompany professional and also clarify questions that I do not see myself.

26 – July 2017: I have now informed about my TS-way, now know that I need 2 to 3 years and between 6,000 to 30,000 euros when breast and facial surgery is made, rather 30,000 euros.

26 – July 2017: TS CV is available. Now this is discussed with people from the past to 100% to get everything right.

27 – August 2017: One month sick due to acute stress disorder and cold, in fact, was the first sign of my old depression that I barely recognized. This shifts my public outing to an unknown time. Also, I have canceled the appointment with a psychologist from Frankfurt. Anyone who sees me privately, however, recognizes how feminine I look and work, in principle only the breasts and a feminine face are missing.

26 – September 2017: I deal with depression a lot. I have the feeling that I have not defeated the depression. At the end of September I suffer for the first time from severe panic attacks. As a result, I had a very bad sleep for a whole week. After that, a lot of thoughts follow me. I’m afraid that time will go by so fast. After that, I’m suddenly scared to be alone and in general I can not see anything that has anything to do with history and death. I feel like I’m going crazy.

26 – October 2017: I start a new job, so I also have more money and because the publisher is currently being restructured, no money comes from this site. Total failure after one working week. The depression is back. Well in medium strength.

26 – from October 2017: Since then, sick due to panic attacks and depression. Take Atosil more often in the evening than it did not help against my panic attacks, I was prescribed antidepressants. Since the end of October I’m feeling a bit better. I have the urge to live among people because of the panic attacks and my suffering as a woman want to live. Because being alone alone makes my panic attacks worse. I’ve been back on Facebook since then, now as Emily-Rose Frank.

27 – October 2017: I’ve now publicly outed on my Facebook profile as a transsexual. The reactions have all been positive so far, so the process is complete everywhere as a woman. Now I started to wear bras in cup C. I will officially live as a woman now.

27 – October 2017: I have an appointment with a psychologist for panic attacks and depression, I’m thinking about taking a non-psychologist, he’s a man, hm, but then I would have someone on the spot and not have to wait long. Let’s see how I decide.

27 – November 2017: My new fitness and nutrition program is slowly delivering positive results. I have safely stabilized my weight from 73.1 kg to 66 kg. Now comes next 63,0 kg until the end of spring 2018 turn. Target 60.0 kg until autumn 2018.

You have read on this page my (also indirect) development to the knowledge of a transsexual woman, now read. On the next page – also on the right side of the submenu – it’s about how, from the moment of realization (exactly since the outing), I am going to make my way to become a real woman.